Martes, Hulyo 16, 2013

A Little Self Evaluation

A Story About One of What Jesus Had Done To Me

I used to think that I have mastered the (GMRC) good manners and right conduct and good etiquette to the extent that I can even teach other people...
But God had showed me my reality when I started my journal…




Opening my life to you a little, looking back at it and asking the question: 
Did I find pleasure in wicked schemes? (see verse 23)
What are these wicked schemes? 
If the antonym for this phrase is person of understanding or in tagalog “mabuting asal” or good manners. 
What were the bad manners I enjoyed?

Insensitivity, Katarayan and tactlessness.

I love laughing and happy moments. But I had no limitations on what to laugh about and what situation is really funny.
Bold and harsh comments were funny to me as long as other people would also laugh about it and mistaken it as frankness or a joke- tactless.
(I never knew I was making myself a fool this way.)
I never let other people pass and saying my frank comment became a habit. - katarayan.
I find some mistakes or shortcomings of other people funny to the extent that I was no longer aware that it humiliates them while to me it was just having fun. 
Did I enjoy? Yes, I admit. I did. 
It gave me a lot of good laughs...
but I was totally un-aware of who I am and how I was treating other people- insensitive.

A reason why the wicked dread often times overtake me.
(see verse 24).
Why did I say that?
       Soon I learned that other people made bad comments and say bad things about me behind my back...that they had a feast of fun of me when I am not around. Mimic my moves or manners like some bad habit to laugh about. It almost killed my happy soul.
       How dreadful it is to experience being humiliated when one said out loud that I was “mayabang” when I was trying to cover-up my fear of failing in an audit and trying to project a confident image. After I made him apologize publicly, he told me these words “Papatayin kita.”
     An utmost dread was uttered to me like sword that cut my heart and my whole being into pieces when one rich person told me "Ano tingin mo sa sarili mo, espesyal ka?"...reminding me that I am a nothing in this world...belittled to my core...totally worthless.
      Those were only a few. There were so much more to tell which made it dreadful enough to make me miserable…        
      To top the misery, I got sick physically-heart right bundle branch block, nervous attacks, neuralgia and to all those things that happened to me...still I was not aware that it could be the wicked dread that is overtaking. I still believed that I was not taking pleasure on a wicked scheme and that I am just a jolly person with understanding... to ask,

      "What have I done deserve such treatment? Why am I this miserable?" 

       Ironic isn't it?

       If Jesus had not came to my rescue, I could have been dead by now...physically and spiritually.

         January 30, 2011- I got reborn. I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior..and this time by heart and all sincerity. I really surrendered my everything to Jesus...as in everything...my life...my soul...my past, present and future...and the life beyond that.
         From then on, I started journaling until I experienced that God speaks to me through the bible, everyday life and people that surrounds me. I started to learn the importance of understanding other people and letting them live happily the way they wanted to be. I am learning the importance of humility and how it should be done properly. I learned the importance of tongue taming and the power of the words coming out of my mouth. I learned the importance of listening, compassion and understanding.

      One day after a year of journal, I hurriedly browsed my cellphone, I got a chance to read some messages.
After reading 4 different messages from one sender, I got amazed at the messages. It has tact and gracefulness and humility.
     I can’t help admiring the humble manner of how the messages were made and said. I felt the humility of the sender that made me wonder “Who is this? How come I haven't read this before?”So I tried to check and find the source. It was only then I realize that I opened the outbox instead of the inbox and I was reading the messages that I have sent! It was my own!...The messages that I have created!

     Tears blocked my sight as I asked myself… “Is this really me?”

     And I cried silently...I could not believe it.  I was not aware that I was evaluating myself already.

I don’t know if others had noticed a change in me since I accepted Jesus in my life and vowed to follow Him and His teaching. Knowing the goodness of the changes in that little way- It could be God’s way of showing me that following Jesus would do me good and make me a better person. I am glad I found Jesus and had placed Him here in my heart and I wish to make Him stay. Indeed He is the only way.

I need Jesus to change me more and make my good changes permanent. Although I am still a “hyena” who loves laughing and want joyful ambience and jolly people always...I am praying that no one can be harm by my laughs. I am praying that others would see my changes someday the way I had seen a few myself. I know I need to learn more and I am not giving up. There would be times I might fail and fall but God will always help me up.

It is very true that (verse 24) “the righteous desire will be granted”. Weeks ago, I received good blessings and I want to thank God and the people He used to make those possible. I believe we are bound to receive abundant blessings from God as long as we are for GOD and following Lord Jesus!

Praise God! Praise Lord Jesus!

Let us pray…


Our Father God in heaven, I am an offering. Keep me from taking pleasures in doing wicked schemes. Let me be your child...a person who would be delighted in wisdom for I know, dear Lord, my desires would be granted and no wicked dread can overtake me and my life. Thank you, Lord.  In Jesus name we pray. Amen.

49 (na) komento:

  1. Oh, I am guilty at laughing at anything. I can be tactless too. Thanks for this gentle reminder.

    TumugonBurahin
  2. what a good read and a reminder. this is what I needed right now.

    TumugonBurahin
  3. that is truly a transformation! :) and GOD is always at work in us and with us to make us strive to be better.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. All praises back to God! :) I know there is a lot more to change and maintain and it is true that God is always at work. God bless!

      Burahin
  4. Hay naalala ko yang mga pangyayari na yan... Parang wake up call yang mga ganyang pangyayari. Makakapagreflect ka sa sarili mo kung totoong bang may nagawa kang mali. Then at the end of the day ikaw pa rin ang bahala kung magbabago ka or hindi. I do notice how you change and I will say it again, you are one of the few people I admire.
    Ako naman po libre mo burger at fries Mommy Ganda! Haha...

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Yes, many people say "forget the past", honestly, di naman tayo parang computer na madaling magdelete so we remember those days...I am glad I still have those memories to remind me of what I can do to be better for God. I had been wanting to change matagal na and God created the point for me that I should not resist. Salamat...you affirmation of my changes made me cry...salamat din sa admiration..touched naman ako...All Praises back to God! but SORRY hindi na pedi sa iyo ang BURGER at FRIES(Baka makita ka pa ni Matt eh, mainggit pa sa iyo!)...pang Max's ka na lang...:D....abangan!

      Burahin
    2. Aabangan ko po yang Max's na yan... haha...

      Burahin
  5. Aww, I love how you stayed faithful after surrendering your life to Jesus. I accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior back in June 2010. I tried to be a diligent Christian, but I guess you can say the my fire died. I backslid. Now, I'm trying to go back to the prayerful life.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. I want to keep holding on, and Praise God, my journal is one that keeps the connection...I noticed that if I skipped my journal for quite a long time, I would have a missing feeling like I missed talking to my Father. Praying is a very healthy way of keeping faith. I would like to suggest that you add a journal to your prayers so He can talk to you as well. In prayers, we talk to the Father then in the journal...you can see when you got the spirit..He would talk back to you...and a conversation is a better way in keeping the connection. :D I hope that can help, Marie. God bless!

      Burahin
  6. This is a reminder to all of us that we should watch our words, our actions because sometimes we tend to be funny but the other party is getting humiliated without us knowing. Thanks for the wonderful post.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. You are very much welcome, janz. God bless!

      Burahin
    2. God Bless you always Glenda! Thank you for reminding us to put God first in our life.

      Burahin
  7. That is why we need quiet times...a time to listen and let God talk, help us examine our conscience and see if there are hidden sins we might not know of. Journaling is a good habit

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. True, Journaling is indeed good. A quiet time after a journal is a best way to let God talk to us by reflecting on the verse that had our attention for the day.

      Burahin
  8. Love reading your thoughts about how to be better as a person. Great reminder.

    TumugonBurahin
  9. It is rare these days that people like you are sharing their testimony publicly for others to learn, grow and transform. Continue being the "salt" in this world. :)

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. This is the first time that I am called a "salt". I think this meant so much to me. you made me smile ear to ear... All praise back to God!God bless!

      Burahin
  10. this is a very nice and gentle reminder about how to become a better person. we really have to think before we act or say something because we might not know that we're already hurting the other person. God is so good. Your journey is very inspiring!

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Thank you so much, Van. I believe each and every one's journey is inspiring in their own ways...like your journey...I pray that Lord God would help us continue our journeys to inspire other people... to bring His children closer to one another and be For God. God bless!

      Burahin
  11. we are all work in progress. hang in there, you are more than a conqueror. :)

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Thank you so much. Tin. I am hanging...and would love to stay armed with God's love and your prayers! God bless!

      Burahin
  12. It's just recently that I sent a rather harsh and accusatory email. God touched my heart with guilt and I sent an apology. But, I know the words cannot be erased or taken back ans the guilt is really haunting. I am glad that I listened to God and said sorry. If I didn't, I think something worse could happen to me and my issues with the company won't be resolved. This is a great reminder to live for Jesus and reflect His loving heart.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Amen! (clapping) Praise God! I am so proud of you, Sis!Wonderful! wonderful! God bless, Cym!:D

      Burahin
  13. when i started my immersion experience with the urban poor, workers and peasants when i was in college my attitude change...i've learned that katarayan and tactlessness should be eliminated if i really want to serve the people

    TumugonBurahin
  14. This post also made me to somehow evaluate myself. Thank you for the eye and heart opener.

    TumugonBurahin
  15. This is a very nice post. Just like every one else, I can be insensitive and tactless at times. I am very grateful that God always makes a way for me to realize the wicked deeds before I can deeply hurt others.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Praise Jesus for your wonderful comment! I am glad you are connected with God at all times. God bless! :)

      Burahin
  16. very nice realization. i don't know if i have some tactless moments myself but i'm usually more opinionated when i'm with closest friends only. but i make it a point to censor myself along and try not to offend anyone's feelings unless they do it first. :)

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. You can also try to think if there are some bad ways we had been enjoying which is bad. It is a personal evaluation. If ever you have thought of one, you then pray to God to free you from it to avoid the wicked dread. God bless!

      Burahin
  17. very nice post, learning good manners is a continues learning.. we can learn something in every problem or event that will come our way

    Rosemarie/Gven-Rose

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Amen! We can also reflect into ourselves..we need to..to make us a better person.

      Burahin
  18. Minsan kapag maunahan ng dila ko ang isip ko, nagiging tactless din ako...thanks for this reminder.

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Welcome...we are human...we are not perfect but it is pleasing to God if we try our best to be...FOR GOD.

      Burahin
  19. I try my best to be sensitive of others and always speak with consideration. Lately, i have been guilty of laughing at tactless jokes and those not politically correct in nature. Iniisip ko, sumasakay lang naman ako. Pero i am also reminded that dapat we should remain steady in our beliefs and principles. So bakit ako pumapayag ng ganun?

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. We need to reflect more. Now that we know if we keep on doing bad things there is a dreadful consequence ahead. Let us try not to "payag" as much as we can. It is not only laughing and tactlessness that we should try to avoid but there are other bad characters to other people to which they are the only one who only knew...thus, we are the only ones responsible and knowledgeable about ourselves and nothing can be be hidden from the eyes of God...that is why self evaluation is needed.

      Burahin
  20. there are times in my life that i might be too frank but i guess i rather be frank than fake to someone.. but i make sure i use the right words. thank you for this post, this is a great reminder for all of us..

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Way back, even choosing the right word was not my concern. As long as my mind came up with a word I say it...brutally frank I was, "extremely honest?"...a fool perhaps. I am glad you knew how to choose the right words, it was hard for me to choose way back because words are for the hearer to evaluate... I just learned to be more cautious this time, perhaps be more sensitive and hoping to do it consistently...i pray talaga. Believe me, it was not easy but I would try..kahit pa maging "trying hard" siguro ako :)
      God bless! May you always be guided by God's love, Aby! :)

      Burahin
  21. Amen! This is a powerful post for me. Keep the inspiration going, Glenda! :)

    TumugonBurahin
    Mga Tugon
    1. Thanks, Meikah! All praises back to God! God bless!

      Burahin
  22. Guilty! I noticed that what annoys me about other people are things that I'm guilty of doing myself.

    TumugonBurahin
  23. Guess what? As I grow older, I feel that I needed the guidance of the words of Christ. My patience is getting thin lately. LOL

    TumugonBurahin